In the movies, when a vampire talks, people listen. So when a real-life vampire, who enjoys drinking blood, talks about his favourite tourism spots in Melbourne, a city which he describes as "a cemetery with streetlights", you write them down.
To celebrate the launch of The Twilight Saga: Eclipse, the third romantic-vampire film in the series, we speak to Drew Sinton, Australia's only "legal vampire" about his dead sexy tips for some just-add-darkness tourism delights in Melbourne.
"Melbourne is Australia's equivalent to Forks, Washington [setting for Stephenie Myers' Twilight novels and spin-off movies]," Sinton says. "Traditionally we've had the highest rainfall, the most cloud cover and we're the gloomiest city. Melbourne is also the goth capital of Australia and everyone knows black is our favourite colour there's nothing more Melbourne, goth or not, than a black wardrobe. Think about it!"
So pop your goblet of blood (or True Blood if you're mainstreaming) in the microwave, heat it to 37°C and join me in toasting the 10 best things to do in Melbourne, when you're dead!
He is not only a former parapsychological investigator (which is mumbo jumbo for "ghostbuster"), he's also the Australian ambassador of the Transylvanian Society of Dracula, a member of the Church of Satan and he's written a book: The Anti-Christ Bible. It is not, by the way, a romantic comedy.
Most importantly, though, he is the only Australian citizen who has appeared in the Magistrates Court and sworn under oath that he "is vampire". He believes Melbourne is the perfect place to explore with the launch of a new Twilight Saga movie, Eclipse. We fang him very much for his suggestions.
Times may have changed but Sinton's prices have not, it costs a meagre $20. The tour starts at 8.30pm on Saturdays at The Haunted Bookshop, 15 McKillop Street. Book through The Haunted Bookshop on (03) 9670 2585.
Vampire view: "The tour is now in its 13th year an ominous number unlucky for some but it's obviously my favourite," Sinton says. "The tour links you with some of Melbourne's most haunted places, such as the Queen Victoria Market site haunted by three bushrangers. A great way to catch up with friends especially departed ones."
Melbourne Crime Tours' multi-award winning tour is priced from $55 and takes approximately four hours. Book on their website.
Vampire view: "Isn't celebrity a funny thing?" Sinton says. "I remember a time when criminals didn't publish books or weren't glamorised in top-rating television shows. Instead, they were buried in unconsecrated ground. Nowadays, they're buried in gold-plated caskets."
The lamp-lit tours which are limited to 12 people at a time begin with a complimentary glass of wine in the Como's beautiful ballroom where guests are given a background of Como's residents past and present. Book on (03) 9827 2500 or visit the Como House website.
Vampire view: "Mediums and priests talk about moving ghosts towards the light or off to Heaven," Sinton says. "But what if your idea of heaven is the place where you lived? I know if I died in a beautiful mansion like Como, a medium or priest would have one helluva time moving my ghost on."
Vampire view: "Years ago I looked at opening a nightclub where patrons could drink blood from a stripper intravenously," Sinton says. "That was until the licensing people stepped in. At least 1806's cocktails are legal and taste much better than copper which blood tastes like."